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So, I guess it is time for some kind of change
The wildcat woman has walked of the stage
I’m left to wonder with a broken heart
At a bitter ending; she played her part.
My part too, was the cheering us on,
Saying it is so when all foundations were gone,
Believing in something bigger than that,
Climbing up high to be falling down flat.
She had made many ends in our drawn out saga
And I held out many arms like a desperate naga
To stop her from doing what I just couldn’t do,
Flee from the tree, and take the me out of you.
To her it was but acts, of justified justice
To run and hide in case I just didn’t love us.
I’ve logged days of hours trying to prove
What she could never accept, there was really no use,
In proving my love for it would never be proven
To an abandoned child with faith all but ruined
Who believes in a story of have just fallen short
And can’t rest her poor heart and enjoy my support.
She very well may never see just enough love,
To magically prove the she is just good enough
And many years hence,
More bitter and more tense,
Is all she will be,
At my own hearts expense.
At my own expense I once tried to stop it,
Feeling not quite worthy,
And too helpless to help us,
She was never settled enough to just be happy,
And I had felt that it was I, that could not make her happy.
So I gave way to ashamed to stay
And for about a month, that is how we stayed.
She made no moves to get us back,
It was her manifest destiny, it goes just like that
And no matter how it goes, she is the victim,
Of some uncontrollable force, that will always abandon.
When I broke us up that time,
She already knew,
It was the part she’d been rehearsing
Since I first said I love you
She’s ready to go, every hour every day,
Because for her she feels, it will just go that way.
So our time together, was one long defense
Of my love to prove what could not be proved
Nor matter how much, I could never make sense
Enough, to break through that long doubting fence.
It was many brittle branches up in our little tree,
Dried up of all faith, and easy to break, up with me
When she snapped away on that 89th time
My illusions all shattered
And my faith was just mine.
Not hers no more.
To treat temporarily,
I am not at fault
And not treated fairly.
There is no more place left, for me to be there
For someone who tosses me aside, with the slightest of care,
To what about if, I really did care?
And she is tossing away,
What she claims to want there.
My heart’s lost the pull now
To want to come back,
To believe it will be different,
To ignore all the facts.
I’m too hardened and defensive now
To give anything.
I’ll not be making promises,
Because like all of the gifts I have sent her way,
They will be returned in time,
Noted, ‘you don’t love me anyway’.
As for our failure, I am left to wonder…
What is enough love?
And does it really matter,
If a push comes to shove.
I guess it’s love unto thine own self
Or, love, run and hide,
If I can’t love in faith,
I can at least love in pride.
And hold on to what I can manage
If the past should walk on by.
I have a part of her now,
That she would never want to give,
I am like an abandoned child,
With no faith left to give.
Standing on guard,
Against believing in this. |
